Our Independent Ethiopian adoption

Heartbreak in Africa

As we got back from court, I went up to get the boys and take the baby back to the nursery. I was just going to run up, get the boys and take her down and leave her but she did not look right. I changed her diaper and there was a little bit of blood in it. I had Aaron get Greg, who came up too. She was cold and I couldn’t seem to warm her up. Her eyes weren’t tracking and she seemed really lethargic. I had him give me a blessing and the first words out of his mouth were that I would have the strength to finish this process and get home. I knew right then that she would die. He finished the blessing and I said “Everything you said tells me she will die”. He said it didn’t necessarily mean that. . . Sister Lutgarda came by just then and I showed her the baby. She also agreed that she did not look good and she could not get her to respond either. We started running – literally.

One of the workers took her and we took our taxi with our other driver, Zelalem and went first to a clinic where the Dr. said she needed immediate hospitalization. We went back to the orphanage where the worker ran upstairs with her to get something, then we went to a private clinic that does some in-patient care, but they could not care for her either. We then went by ambulance to a city hospital. It was horrid. Have you ever seen one of those movies where you go around a corner and suddenly there are hundreds of people, everywhere? Like the market scene in the first Indiana Jones movie? It was like that. We finally found the “Emergency Room” after passing all kinds of people including those with TB and they would not treat her. There were other people in front of her “in line” and the guard said we had to go to the back of the line. They would have let her die in the hallway, just like that. The callousness was stunning.

We then went to a nice hospital on the out-skirts of town. It was named “Bethel Hospital” and is a teaching hospital. Sweet Tereza died as we went into the hospital. I watched her take her last breath as the Dr first took her. They started CPR, and gave her some meds, but to no avail. After she died, they refused to let me hold her. Of course I was sobbing and Greg was sobbing and they kept telling us that it would be worse if we held her. I know better than that, but no one would listen to me. Finally as we got out to the taxi to take her little body back to Kidane Mehret, I convinced the hospital worker that I had already had children die and I could handle it. I held the baby for about 30 seconds before the orphanage worker took her back forcefully. Even when she (the worker) was throwing up in the car, she still absolutely refused to allow me to hold her. She pushed my hands away – hard. Finally at Kidane Mehret, Sister Lutgarda let me hold her. I wanted an hour. I had to fight to get 5 minutes. I held her and to their horror, I unwrapped the blankets that were around her. She died in the clothes we brought for her, wrapped in a beautiful pink receiving blanket that we also brought. She looked very peaceful and almost like she was finally smiling. Greg took a picture of me and the boys with her and I took one of him. The one with Greg turned out really well. He is looking right at the camera, with tears in his eyes and you can see Tereza in the blanket – Michael and Buzaneh have tears in their eyes too. I had held her for barely a minute when the same worker tried to take her back. This time, I was the one pushing her hand away, as the boys needed to be there and Greg had not held her yet. I wish we had had a chance to do all the wonderful things we know about – a lock of her beautiful curly hair, footprints of her long, narrow feet, a hand mold with her long piano-playing fingers and lots more pictures. There is no official burial for us to plan for or even attend. Her body was taken to the Missions of Charity orphanage, where they will prepare her body and go ahead and bury her. Even now, almost three years later I just cry at the loss of her sweet life. I loved that little baby SO much!

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