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Tana just posted on the value of mentoring – and I totally agree. One of the items on my list of things to do while waiting (that I have been covering one or two at a time!) is to “Find an adoption “mentor” who’s “been there, done that” and learn from them”. In birth language, I would tell you to find a doula or a midwife. 
There are a number of other posts right here on the blogs about mentors – Faith posted one here on starting the process and another one here on mentoring other children while you wait for yours to come home. Cindy posted here a blog that mentions mentoring children in school or even court-related settings and Coley posted about the mentoring of pregnant women considering adoption.
But what is a mentor? Why is is such a good thing? What makes a good mentor?
The Wikipedia definition of mentor is:
. . . a trusted friend, counselor or teacher, usually a more experienced person. Some professions have “mentoring programs” in which newcomers are paired with more experienced people in order to obtain good examples and advice as they advance, and schools sometimes have mentoring programs for new students or students who are having difficulties.
Today mentors provide their expertise to less experienced individuals in order to help them advance their careers, enhance their education, and build their networks.
As someone in a profession (midwifery) that relies on mentoring or apprenticeship, as well as being a kinesthetic learner, this is something that makes a lot of sense to me. In adoption circles, a mentor is not going to take the same role as a mentor in a professional setting. It will be a looser arrangement, not constrained by a business relationship.
Here are some traits I would look for, if I were just starting out:
*Someone who has adopted under similar circumstances as you – the same country, if possible, but at least generally the same – international, independent or agency, etc.
*Someone who has been home long enough to be past the initial adjustment, but not home so long they can’t remember what it was like.
*Someone who has the time to talk to you, sometimes for long periods of time.
*Someone who has a balanced perspective on their adoption experience and can be honest about the good, the bad, the frustrating and the wonderful.
*Someone who can listen without necessarily trying to “fix” it.
Did you have a good adoption mentor experience? I’d love to hear about it – and, if you had a not-so-good one, maybe we can all learn from your sharing of that experience as well.
